When Wesley awoke, he discovered himself pinned under some deadweight. Or, to be more accurate, under some undead weight. Angel was lying beside him, with their legs entangled and one heavy arm thrown over Wesley's chest. Wesley wasn't sure if the intent was to make sure he didn't get away, but that was essentially the result. He wasn't going anywhere without waking the vampire up.
But since he didn't have a pressing need to be anywhere else at the moment, Wesley decided to let sleeping vampires lie. It still wasn't all that many hours since Angel had been tortured and, vampire constitution notwithstanding, Wesley was sure the rest was much needed.
Especially considering all the activity before they had fallen asleep. Wesley was still a bit stunned that he and Angel had actually.... He felt his face heat before he could even complete the thought.
He'd had very few sexual encounters in the past -- the way the world was there hadn't been many chances, not with people Wesley trusted enough to get naked with at least -- and none of those rushed and fumbling experiences had been anything like it had been with Angel. He'd never lost control like that, never felt...
The first time, with the blood, Wesley had attributed to some side effect of vampire feeding, and certainly that was what started it. But that didn't explain the second time, when Angel had turned him shaking and incoherent with sensation before making him come so hard the world went away.
Angel made him lose control.
That should have scared Wesley. His entire life, bad things always happened whenever he wasn't in control. They happened sometimes when he was in control as well, but the worst moments of his life all had him with no control and helpless to do anything. Consequently he was terrified of being put in a position where he didn't have any control and what Angel did to him should have scared him senseless.
But when Wesley had been at his most wild and desperate, when Angel had slid into his body, Wesley had looked up and seen all of the same emotions he was feeling on Angel's face. Somehow knowing that Angel was as out of control as he was, that he had the power to do that to Angel without even trying, pushed away the fear.
And even now, hours later the fear was still gone. Angel made him lose control, but it no longer scared him. Because he could do the same to Angel.
Wesley ran light fingers over Angel's arm where it lay across him and contemplated the vampire's face, half buried in pillows as he slept on. He didn't understand his reactions to Angel, hadn't really from the start. By all rights he should have shot him when he discovered him in the library, but something had stilled his hand and made him talk to him instead. Almost everything Wesley had done since with Angel was out of character for him -- asking to go with him when he left, believing that far fetched story about being cursed with a soul, falling asleep in his presence, rescuing him, feeding him, having sex with him. All of it was wrong.
But it all felt right. There was something about Angel that had somehow made Wesley inclined to trust him, right from the start -- and Wesley didn't trust anybody. Except now, apparently, he trusted Angel.
And that felt the most right of all.
Wesley's thoughts were interrupted by Angel muttering under his breath, then stirring, then finally opening his eyes. He blinked sleepily at Wesley a couple of times then the most wonderful slow smile slid across his face. "Hi."
"Hello," Wesley replied, trying to ignore the way that something inside tried to melt at Angel's smile. He wasn't ready to deal with what that might mean. Dealing with the realisation that he trusted Angel was enough for now.
"Sleep well?" Angel asked, sliding a hand along Wesley's arm as he did so.
"Yeah," Angel replied, still rubbing absently at Wesley's arm. It was becoming rather distracting.
Trying to ignore it, Wesley nodded in response to Angel's words. "Good."
An awkward silence fell between them as they continued to stare at each other without saying anything. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at this sort of thing," Wesley finally admitted, just to break it.
Angel frowned. "Thing?"
"This." Wesley gestured between them. "Waking up with someone after we've... you know..."
Wesley felt his face heat once again. "Err, yes. That. I just don't have much-" or any, he added mentally, "-experience with the so-called morning after."
"Actually, it's more like the afternoon after," Angel began then caught himself, "but that's not the point." He shifted position, rolling more fully over onto his back and tugging gently on Wesley to bring him to rest on his shoulder; after a second's hesitation, Wesley let himself be moved. "Well, it's been a while, but I think I can remember the basics," Angel continued wrapping one arm casually around Wesley as he spoke. "I can try and walk you through it, if you'd like."
"All right," Wesley replied, feeling both bemused and more at ease already.
"Well, first you both wake up, which we've done, and then you say hi, possibly inquire if your lover slept well, which hey, we've done that too. So far you're doing pretty good." Angel tilted his head and looked down at Wesley with a ghost of a teasing grin.
"Angel, please," Wesley remonstrated, but with little real heat. There was something... comfortable about Angel's teasing.
"Sorry," Angel replied, not very contritely.Then his little smile disappeared and he got more serious. "The next thing that's done usually is getting up and getting ready, and how depends on what the night before was: a one time thing or something you want to happen again."
That was a question that Wesley had been trying to avoid thinking about. Stalling, he asked, "What's the difference? In getting ready I mean."
"If it was just a one night thing, then you get up separately, take turns in the bathroom, get dressed separately. There may be conversation, but it's not about anything personal. And there's no touching. Then... you go on as if it never happened."
Wesley could see what Angel was trying to do -- give him a graceful way out if he regretted what had happened. "And if you want it to be the beginning of something?" he prompted when Angel didn't give the rest of the answer.
"Then you get up together, take a shower together, get dressed together, maybe even help dress each other. When you talk it can be about general things or about what happened, and what you want to happen again. And there's touching -- lots of touching. Kisses too. Kisses are a big sign."
Wesley nodded, but was quiet for a bit, thinking it over. If he was honest with himself, he knew what he wanted, he just wasn't certain it was the smartest thing to do. But so far nothing with Angel had been the smartest thing to do, why should he change now?
Making his decision, Wesley leaned up and kissed Angel long and lingeringly. When he pulled back, he smiled and said, "Share a shower with me?"
The smile Angel gave him in return told him that while it may not have been the wisest decision, it was the right one.
He already trusted Angel; Wesley wanted to see what else could happen.
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